


as the petals suffocate me

by rabbit_excel



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Flashbacks, Graphic Description, Hanahaki Disease, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Oh yea, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, There's a lot of flashbacks, Unrequited Love, basiclly the whole story, but fate is mean and does not ship jejun, but maybe renjun will end up happy, idk - Freeform, jaemin just wants to be happy with his soulmate, jeno is oblivious, like renjun is suffering and i say that but theres no blood, no need to keep reading, or maybe he'll die, second chapter's been edited! check it out, so it's trash, so renjun is sad, soulmate!AU, teen only bc of semi (not really), ugh i told my self i'd write fluff but look what happened
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-03 12:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12748218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabbit_excel/pseuds/rabbit_excel
Summary: lee jeno is huang renjun's soulmate.huang renjun is not lee jeno's soulmate.the flowers remind him of this.





	1. daffodil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "it seems to recieve one daffodil implies 'Misfourtune' whilst several daffdils mean 'Joy and happiness.'"  
> it seems that fate had only given Renjun one daffodil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prepare for a horrible fic,, honestly feel free to cringe. construtive criticsm welcomed

 

 Fate is cruel. Soulmates are cruel. But by far, hanahaki is the cruelest. 

 " _F_ _ate must be some sort of sicko. Who made it that just because your soumate doesn't love you, you should have to suffer."_

The boy with the fluffy brown hair pondered to himself. He glanced at the small name premanently etched on his otherwise unblemished skin. He was laying in bed. He checked his phone. The bright screen read  _1:27 am._ "Yet another sleepless night because of that stupid Lee Jeno." He muttered. He knew, deep down, no matter how much he hated him, no matter how much he  _wanted_ to hate him, he couldn't. Those flowers were painful reminders. He remembered the first time it happened. It was the first time he knew, that he, was not Jeno's soulmate. 

_It was early January. The teacher had come in saying they had a new classmate. It was a strange time for a transfer student, Renjun thought to himself. "Hello! I'm Na Jaemin!" The boy's chipper voice broke him out of his trance. He looked over at Jeno, his seatmate and supposed soulmate. Jeno had lifted up his blazer sleve to reveal "Na Jaemin" written in a small, cursive font. His heart dropped. It was the first time he knew fate had hated him._

_He felt a sudden pain in his stomach, like he was going to throw up. To avoid causing a scene, he excused himslef out of the class. He ran to the bathroom, and closed the stall door behind him. Soon enough, the toilet bowl was filled with flowers. Creeping willows, narcisusses, yellow carnations and roses littered the bowl. He shook his head in disbelief. No. No. This couldn't be happening. He quickly flushed the toilet and just stood, petrified._

_"Hey, Injun-ah, you good?" The ever so familiar voice called out. He must of been sent by the teacher, who knows how he's been out._

_He exited the stall. "Yeah." The boy lied. He went to the sink to atleast try to get the sickingly floral taste from his mouth. "Must be the food I ate." He lied yet again._

_"I always knew Lunch Lady Kang was always trying to poison us." The younger boy said with a chuckle in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Now let's go!" He said joyfully, swinging an arm around the older. The older boy forced a smile, as the other's arm felt ten times as heabier than it was. Instead of it being a reassuring touch, it just made Renjun feel sick again, like he was going to throw up a thousand flowers._

He shook his head, wanting to stop the memory before the time Jeno asked for tips in courting Jaemin. Renjun had nothing against Jaemin, they were actually quite similar, taste-wise. They had the same favourite cartoon character, the same favourite superhero,  _the same soulmate,_ the same extra-curicular activities. 

 The boy shifted so that he was now on his stomach. He really didn't hate Jaemin, he really didn't, it just so happened they just so happened that they both had the same soulmate and he was the one stuck puking out flowers. If he wasn't the reason he was slowly dying maybe they clould be friends and Renjun wouldn't have to force a smile whenever he was around. He thought of another memory. 

  ~~~~ _Jeno was sweating. He was worried, anyone could tell. "Injun!" He whined. "What if Jaemin doesn't like me? I don't want to die of flowers! It's a horible way to go..." He whispered yelled. Renjun heart tightened at that comment, and he hoped it was Jeno's words and not the flowers._

_"He's your soulmate, I'm sure he'll love you." Renjun reassured, slightly pulling his sleeve down to make sure his soulmate tatto was covered. "Plus, I bet hanahaki isn't even real, flowers in the lungs? How unrealistic." he said, forcing a chuckle. A small petal came out, but luckily Jeno wasn't looking at him._

_Before Jeno could respond, Jaemin had finally arrived. "Hey, Jeno!" Jaemin greeted, still quite a bit away. When Jaemin came into full view, he saw Renjun's petite figure. "Oh, is Renjun coming with us?" He asked, disapointed._

_Renjun shook his head. "Nah, I just randomly met up with him. Just came here to get bubble tea." He lied, pointing to a bubble tea stand in the distance. "Well, good luck!" He said, giving a small thumbs up before running off to the washroom before anybody could see him coughing up flowers._

_It was this time he had felt the true pain of the hanahaki disease. At first, it felt like up something normal, but now, he felt every thorn of the roses and it was if they were cutting every part of his throat. He was shocked at the fact blood didn't come out._

Just thinking about it makes Renjun tear up, wondering when the next coughing fit would be. He hated that it was going to live with him for whatever short period of time he would live, as he was sure there was no way he was gonna find a new soulmate, Seers were extremely rare. 

 Seers were the only people who could change soulmates, by cutting the red string that binds them, that only they could see. But, this power, that they never asked for,  came at price, they wouldn't have a soulmate. Sure, they could tie their string to another's, but for the most part, everyone was paired with their perfect match. 

 Eventually, the boy fell asleep, only to be awakened by the buzzing of his alarm clock. He was sure he got less than 4 hours of sleep, but it was time to go to school. " _Time for my lungs to fill with flowers."_ Renjun thought to himself. 

 He did his usual routine, taking a shower, changing into his uniform, eat breakfast,  _coughing up flowers,_ brushing his teeth. Once he was finally ready, he went to the bus stop. 

 Jeno came to the bus stop, looking extra happy. "Hey Injun-ah!" He said, practically skipping each step. "I finally asked Jaemin out!" He exclamied, eye smiles taking over his face. Renjun felt as if the flowers were mutiplying tenfold and there was no place to hide in the event they were coming up. 

 "And what did he say?" Renjun asked, voice shaking with each word. He could feel the flowers climb up his throat. He tried to swallow to bring them down. 

 "He said yes!" The younger boy exclaimed happily, oblivious to the older's suffering. 

 Renjun forced a smile, flowers running up his throat. "Is that so? I'm so happy for you!" He smiled, though his thorat was being filled with flowers. 

 Jeno smiled and nodded a small thank you. "I'm sure you'll find your soulmate eventually, Injun! It's an amazing whenever you see them." He said, a content sigh escaping his lips. 

 Then why, oh why, did Renjun's heart and body ache whenever Renjun saw his soulmate? Why did flowers suffocate him everytime he saw him smile? 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credits to thedaffodilsociety.com from the quote at the begining.


	2. forget-me-nots and iris flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iris flowers represent hope and chenle gave renjun a iris flowercrown.

The rest of the day was a blur for Renjun. As soon as the day was over, he went home, skipping his beloved Art Club meet. When he came home, he sobbed. He sobbed until his head began pounding. The pounding of his head, the churning in his stomach, it was all too much. It was all too real. In the past Jeno's affections being returned was a simple maybe. Maybe, Renjun could still have his fairy-tale ending. It was all gone now, his seventh grade plans were worthless. 

 Renjun knows he should be happy for Jeno, he deserves that much at least. He knows Jeno would be happy for him, if he was in his shoes. But Renjun wanted to be selfish once. He always kept a smile and encouraged Jeno to follow his heart, but for once, just once, he let himself sob. Flowers once again climbed his throat, forcing him to run to the washroom. Columbine, greanium and hops filled the bowl. Renjun couldn't force himself to get up, instead bringing his legs up to his chest. His mom wouldn't be home in hours, so he had this time to himself and his thoughts. If that was for better or for worse is unclear. 

 Seeing her child on the bathroom floor, dried tears covering his sleeping face, brought quite the shock to Mrs. Huang. "Renjun!" She said, shaking him awake. "Yeah, mom?" Rejun was dazed, apparently he had fallen asleep. "Honey, you're on the bathroom floor and you look like you've been crying!" His mom exclaims, picking him and bringing to sit more comfortably on the couch. 

 A hot cup of earl grey has Renjun revealing the truth Renjun had been trying so hard to hide. "And yeah, that's about it," Renjun murmered, in attempts to make it appear less serious. His mom could only look at him with sympethetic eyes, being unexprinced in soulmates as well. She never ended up finding her soulmate, having had Renjun with the 'wrong' man, but she still loved him with all her heart. "That's," She voiced, unable to come up with a suitable word. "Harsh. I'm sorry I can't help you," She says, placing a warm hand on his shoulder. Renjun's eyes remained downcast as his mom stood up. 

"Here!" She spoke, pursing her lips together. "I'll call up your cousin and you can talk to him while I prepare dinner!" She offered up with a smile, Renjun replied with a tiny nod. "Great!" She smiled, dialing the number into the home phone. She left as the phone began to ring. 

 The cousin in question is Sicheng. Sicheng had a perfect life, he had found his soulmate early on - on a trip to Japan, to be specfic -  they're very much in love and he went to a prestigeous school. Sicheng had everything Renjun wished he had, but he wasn't given much time to ponder it, as the call was quickly picked up. "Hello ge," Renjun said quietly into the reciever. 

 "Renjun?" Sicheng answered, rather confused on why his cousin was calling him so suddenly. Renjun swollowed the lump in his thorat.  "I need advice, soulmate advice." He admits. 

"Soulmate advice? Renjun, you've had your life with your soulmate planned out since you were twelve, what advice could I possibly give you?" Si-cheng asked.

"That's the thing!" Renjun said. "Nothing's going as planned! My soulmate doesn't even have me as his soulmate!"

"Wait, Renjun you have Hanahaki?" Si-Cheng had only heard of Hanhaki in the past, never having met someone with it personally. "You know there are only two ways to cure it and the second way... Isn't pretty."

Renjun knew what his cousin was talking about. To cure Hanahaki, you could either have a Seer cut the string for you or go into a medically-induced comma to prevent the flowers from spreading to your heart. The boy nodded. "Mhm."

Si-cheng could hear the pain in Renjun's voice. "Don't woory though! I'm sure you'll be able to find a Seer." Si-Cheng knew Seers were extremely rare. "Wait-"

Before he could finish, Renjun cut him off. "I know Seers are rare, ge, no need to comfort me." Renjun said bitterly into the phone. 

"Renjun wait, listen to me, wasn't one of your old friends a seer? Chenle was his name, I believe." How he remembered this, while Renjun forgot compltely was a mystery, but a welcomed one.

Renjun remained silent for a few beats, trying to remember said boy. "Chenle, Chenle... Ah yes, he was!" He nodded to himself.

 

Chenle was a sweet kid. He was always bubbly, opposite to Renjun's calm demeanor. You couldn't tell he didn't have a soulmate, most without one were quite cynical, even as children.

_"Renjun-ge!" The child called out gleefully. He was one year younger than Renjun himself but was pratically attached to hip with him when it was recess. Renjun was sitting under a tree, reading a book and thinking he finally found peace and quiet. "What is it?" Renjun asked, rather coldly. Renjun couldn't keep up with his energy and though he pretended to hate the younger, he really did like him._

_"I made you a flower crown!" Chenle smiled. He already had one placed on his own head. His was made from forget-me-nots while the ones in his hand was made from iris flowers. They went to a private school, so the gardens were bountiful so Renjun wasn't really suprised that he managed to get such flowers._

_Silently, Renjun extended his head just enough that Chenle could place it on his head. A smile grace the features of the younger when he did. "Come, take a seat beside me." Renjun prompted, patting the ground beside him. The younger smiled even wider, a laugh escaling his mouth. "So watcha ya reading?" The younger asked, snuggling up beside him._

_Renjun sighed slightly, but smiled. "So, it about this kid who-"_

_But when Renjun turned twelve and Chenle was just turning eleven, Renjun had to leave for Korea._

_"Ge!" Chenle cried, snugling into Renjun's shirt, getting it wet with tears. "I'll never be able to see you again!"_

_"We'll meet again, shh, shh. Don't cry." If Renjun was saying this to Chenle or hinslef was hard to tell, he had tears swelling his own eyes too._

_"You sure?" Chenle asked, finally looking up to face Renjun. Renjun smiled and held out his pinkey._

_"I'm sure of it!" Renjun reassured as Chenle locked pickies with him. Chenle let go of the older boy._

_"Now you have to! You pinkey promised!" He called out, before running back to his own family. "Remeber, you promised!" Was the last thing he said before Renjun left to board the plane._

Renjun recalls these memeories fondly, before going to search for Chenle's number. He had already hung up on Sicheng, after saying thank you quite a few times. He finally found the younger's number in the far corner of his bedside table. 

 He calls him on his on phone, making a point to avoid Jeno's number. Within a few rings, a voice came up. "Hello?" The voice rang out. "Who is this?" The voice asked. 

 Anxiously, Renjun replied. "It's Renjun, Huang Renjun," Renjun didn't know if the boy would even remember him. "Is this Chenle?" To which the voice replied with a happy laughter. 

 "Renjun ge!" The voice laughed. "Yeah, it's Chenle. It's been so long, why are you only calling now?" The voice, now confirmed to be Chenle, inquired. 

 "You're a Seer, right?" Renjun asks, answered with a small 'mhm' from the other side. "I've got Hanahaki," Renjun says, speaking quickly. He decided to prelong the disscussuion, seeing no point. Not to mention, it was an international call. 

 "I see," Chenle said, voice suddenly much more serious. "Could you tell me the whole story, I need more details." Chenle states. Renjun questions if he should, but ultimately decides he should, that's why he made this call for after all. Chenle only interupts with a few claifying questions. "Good thing is, you're in an early stage of Hanahaki. But I won't be able to help you over the phone." 

 Renjun's mood dampens. "Ah, I see." He murmured quietly, about to hang up. "But!" Chenle's voice stopped him from hitting the end call button. "I'll be there in about three weeks. You'll be able to hold up until then." Chenle adds, once again filling Renjun with hope. 

 Three weeks. Just three weeks more of this torment and he can finally actually happy for Jeno. Renjun hangs up, once again filling the room with thanks. Renjun takes a deep breath, and he can smell the irises now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've edited it, as I wasn't really happy with how it was in the first version. You can expect chapter three soon since I've got my muse back!


End file.
